Where others have gone before

After trying for a baby for almost two years, our effort became a lot less romantic and a lot more scientific over time. Fertility checks were done, ovulation kits used, assisted treatment and even adoption options explored. Then one day, after six and a half years of a dual income no kids life, we conceived - naturally. Hence: Finally, mama.

All in God's timing! Trust His heart.

Here are snapshots of my journey in raising a family while releasing it all to God through each season of work and life. I started this journal when I was pregnant with #1 aka B (born November 2011) and working full time. These days, I'm a work at home mom as hubby is frequently away for work. I split my time between caring for B and my parents, managing the home and developing The Whiz Times (launched October 2012). Oh, and we're still trying for #2 after an early miscarriage.

Along the way, I've been encouraged by those who have gone before me or are journeying together, and hope that I can in turn support others with this blog.

For updates, reviews and more, like me at Finally Mama on Facebook

Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true

It's almost the end of September. While I look forward to celebrate with dear friends who will give birth over the next few months, I can't help thinking that baby #2's due date would have been around now.  What a frustrating, "deferred" year this has been!  I'd put off the job search when I initially found out I was pregnant at the turn of the year.  After the miscarriage, we postponed the start of B's preschool (i.e. nursery drop-off) and any serious job switch till next year, so that we could maximise our time with B as well as our efforts to conceive again, esp. given hubby's frequent business travel. Sadly, so far, no luck with #2 (or rather, #2b) and I worry that my career is stagnating the longer I stop working. It's days like these that I need to pause and reflect that God has given me such a blessed family, with rich life experiences, and all that we hope for will come to pass in His time, in His way.

All that I am, all that I have 
I lay them down before you, oh Lord 
All my regrets, all my acclaims 
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours 

Lord, I offer my life to you 
Everything I've been through 
Use it for your glory 
Lord I offer my days to you 
Lifting my praise to you 
As a pleasing sacrifice 
Lord I offer you my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen 
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true 
All of my heart, all of my praise 
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

What can we give 
That you have not given? 
And what do we have 
That is not already yours? 
All we possess 
Are these lives we're living 
That's what we give to you, Lord 

Month 3 Week 1: 3 month upgrades

The "fourth" trimester brought along several upgrades. Some were unexpected, but each contributed to give us fuller hearts, a livelier home and an increasingly alert and active baby boy.  To be honest, motherhood is very much a work-in-progress but I do feel more confident and less anxious with B each passing day.

Mommy lessons:

1. Healthy sleep habits, happy child ... and family too: B's nap and sleep time were disrupted by all the Chinese New Year activity. Unfortunately, that brought back the overtired fussy baby (who we thought we'd literally put to bed by week 6) who needs to be rocked to sleep.  After several exhausting days, we bought a bouncer (the Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance Air - a true Godsend!) and I introduced a sleep schedule: 7/8a wake up, 3 naps (9/10a, after the mid-day feed, 5/6p) leading into his 9/10p "longer bedtime" before the day starts again at dawn. It isn't easy to enforce this with the hubby who comes home late and B's many caregivers and visitors but I'm determined to give him the 15 hours sleep needed for his age. 
2. Tummy time is good for you, boy: B hates to exercise (who does?!) and makes me look like a slavedriver when others are around to witness his complaints and whimpers. What does mama do? Sneak in playmat time when the critics aren't around, carry/burp him head-over-shoulder and allow daytime naps on his tummy (supervised of course). It's paid off - his neck is stronger, the flat spots (!) on the back of his head get a breather ... plus, I don't seem so evil anymore! 
3. One unexpected "upgrade": I am now a full time mom.  I'd intended to return to work after my four-month maternity leave (i.e. end of February) and had scoped out infant care centers to accomodate that. However, recent personal and office developments led us down a different path. When I tendered at work last week, I felt really conflicted -- guilty for wanting to work and guilty for choosing not to. It'll take time to get used to saying "I'm a stay-at-home mom" vs "I work as X at Y" but I know that this opportunity, however brief, is a blessing and B will be the better for it.  No regrets.

Baby milestones:

1. Sleeping "through the night:" About two weeks ago (from week 11 onwards), B started regularly skipping one of his night feeds, i.e. waking up just once for a feed between 8p and 8a. As I'm still breastfeeding, I kept waking up every 4-5 hours to express and check on him but eventually realised that he's REALLY sleeping ~7 hours straight overnight (or at least can quietly self-soothe). What bliss!  I'm enjoying these extra hours of rest after months of sleep deprivation.  Pray for no relapses and longer night sleep.
2. Physical development:  B does mini push ups, moves his head side to side with greater ease (though he still favours one side more), opens up and clasps his fingers together, reaches for, grips and shakes his rattles, blankie, crib mobile, kick-and-play piano, books, mommy's T-shirt, etc... and his all-time-favourite - sucks his fist (and thumb).  He briefly sits upright when propped up and can roll over while supported too. 
3. Social development:  B really enjoys his 1-1 time of chatting, storytelling and singing. He smiles socially, pouts and chuckles on occasion (i.e. when playing peek-a-boo or funny faces) and imitates sticking his tongue out. He vocalises different combination vowels and different tones now and has new distinct  "babbles" when he's hungry, tired, angry, bored, etc.
4. New year, new things: We had to upgrade him to a convertible cot bed earlier (thanks, 爷爷) after he got stuck in his crib at night for the umpteenth time. He's also outgrown his moses basket, newborn/0-3 month diapers, mits, booties, socks and vests. We've now switched over to 3-6 month and even some 6-12 month clothes, and passed the rest on to other expectant mom friends.  As for swaddling, forget it!  B is too active -- and no amount of wrapping can keep him cosy and warm.  We've started using sleeping bags instead and they work like a dream.

Week 29

Parents left for a few weeks and alas, hubby's eye injury took a turn for the worse so he's back on MC and stuck at home alone.  Spent the week juggling work, errands and babysitting my two guys - the hubby and little one.  With 8 weeks to go before my maternity leave, there's suddenly so much to sort out beforehand.  If this even hints at a full-time mom's life, I could definitely use help at home!

My weekend routine lately: Quiet time over breakfast, catch up on reading, et al. Saturday: Prenatal pilates class, our hospital antenatal course (today's topic is breastfeeding!) and family dinner.  Sunday: Church and if there's time (or energy left), interview potential domestic helpers and shop for baby stuff - next up: Baby proof furniture as most of our stuff will be moved to my parent's place nearby. 

Week 27: Down to the last trimester

Yikes! Third trimester is here. Where has all the time gone?!

We're making good progress towards relocating my parents here.  That said, some logistics can only be sorted out in order: Making room for our live-in helper, shifting some of our furniture to my parents' new place nearby and setting up the baby nursery. Maybe we'll do an IKEA run next week?

I officially applied for maternity leave from work - 3 months off followed by a 3 day flexi-work week for 2 months.  One colleague gave me a new baby bottle steriliser once I start mixing breast and bottle feeding upon my return to work. Thank God for a supportive work-life environment, friends and family! 

From now on, I should gain a pound or ~500g a week which puts my final estimated weight gain at 13-14 kg - on par for most Asian pregnancies.  I haven't done a glucose screening test yet (supposedly done between weeks 24-28) as my regular urine tests have been normal so far. Will check with the doc on that.

Week 19: The other baby

Little one was eclipsed by the announcement of my other expectant baby-at-work this week (see below!). Lots of back and forth between campaign research tests and follow up, global and regional management meetings and a tight conference schedule of demos, interviews, events and post-launch tracking...  Despite all that, it was great to spend a few moments each night just reconnecting with our baby boy, and feeling his tiny movements inside.