Plan C = change and continue

Up till a month ago, I was counting down the days to drop B off for half-day childcare, thus freeing my mornings for personal/business projects, pilates, etc.  The list for things to do during "ME" time is endless....  However after visiting said school again to refresh my memory and meet the (new) staff, it became unfortunately clear that this wasn't the best or right solution.  Thinking that having doubts and feeling uneasy was just a normal phase for any mom about to leave their kid for the 1st time, I borrowed a couple of books including Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Solution for Separation Anxiety.  After reading the first few chapters, speaking to moms in similar situations, soul searching and even reaching out to various schools to discuss options, I soon realised that my 18th month "freedom" plan was shortlived.

But why?  Simply put, too much has changed in the one year since we registered B there.  To stick with the original plan "B", as I've been calling my extended maternity leave, would be unfair to all fronts.  To B (given his personality and progress at this age), my personal situation (no longer working full time or pregnant with #2 for now), and the school itself which was going through a fair bit of change too.

So, what now?  Plan C is essentially same same but different. Who'd have thought we'd enjoy daily home school, parent-accompanied playdates and selected enrichment (Chinese, music and gym/right brain) for so long?  But we clearly see the benefit all this interaction and exposure has had on B -- and parents too.  One thing I'd tweak is to perhaps do more with less. That is, to better integrate what he learns in class with our home plan, outings and occasional playdates.  We'll still do some trial classes if anything interesting comes up but I can tell, all this will keep us quite busy through year end!

Kindermusik: Feathers ... and a busy B

Vocal play was the "call" of most of this term's Kindermusik lessons. Nice timing as B is also acquiring language - a gradual development process that includes listening, facial interaction, symbolic play, means-to-an-end behaviour, object permanence, imitation and vocal chord development.  Vocal play engages the vocal muscles intensely and is great preparation for expressive speech.  Exploration with sound also increases spatial reasoning, which is the ability to understand how things relate in space and time, to visualise the world accurately, to form mental images of physical objects, and to recognise variations of objects.

We were encouraged to keep up vocal play by exaggerating the shape of the mouth, using animated facial expressions and eye contact via mirrors and/or positioning yourself within his view.  In addition, we should sing often and invite him to accompany on instruments.  Kids actually start singing early by babbling, repeated words and fragments, and finally adding rhythmic features and pitch components.  Singing is enjoyable AND beneficial in both cognitive development (abstract conceptual thinking, verbal abilities, originality) and motor development, esp. coordination. Besides sounds, we did some symbolic play too with feathers, toy birds and paper "leaves" to teach that one thing can represent another, starting with familiar items.  This correlates to language acquisition in that a word represents an object. The first stage of symbolic play usually manifests from 6-8 months and becomes more sophisticated as they grow with imaginary and role play.  This time there were new syncopated swing and jazz song-and-dances!  "Sing a Song of Sixpence" (dig that groovy intermission!), "Gee, But It's Great to Meet a Friend" and "Once I Saw a Little Bird", "Hop To It" and "Duck Dance" which explored the tribal calls of the muskogean people and combines vocal play with singing in a fun way.  :D

Home library:

1. Feathers for lunch.  Lois Ehlert, Harcourt Brace and Jovanovich Co.  
2. Baby Steps. Claire Kopp, WH Freeman and CO.  
3. Singing Bee! A Collection of Favourite Children's Songs.  Compiled by Jane Hart with pictures by Anita Lobel, Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Books. 
4. Trees, a poem. Harry Behn, illustrated by James Endicott, Henry Holt & Co.
5. CD. Brahms at Bedtime:  A Sleepy Serenade.

On a side note, I renewed B for one last term at Chengzhu Playnest and Kindermusik Village. We've thoroughly enjoyed these and mama's morning "right brain class" (plus books, numbers, phonics, music and outdoor activities where possible). But when he turns 18 months, we'll need to tweak his schedule (drop some, *maybe* add a few like drama or Montessori?) as he'll attend morning toddler group at Pat's Baby Haven and continue his weekly mom/buddy afternoon playdates.

He also had his MMRV booster shot yesterday. Thankfully there's only 2 more jabs till the next series at 10 years old. Pheew!  He's now 11.3 kg, 81 cm at 15.5 months, understands lots of words, vocalises some, learning to self feed (patience and mess are a challenge for me!), naps ~2 hours once a day, sleeps from 830p to 730a with occasional waking (argh), and works on his gross and fine motor skills every chance he gets.  What a busy boy!

What's past is prologue

Since B is now a toddler, I borrowed some parenting books to help prepare me for toddlerhood :). After all, "a mind once stretched to a new idea never returns to its original size." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

In "Happiest Toddler On The Block," Harvey Karp's approach seems directly opposite to Doman's "all babies are geniuses" POV.  Karp's prehistoric parenting premise basically matches the four toddler development stages against 5 million years of evolution, i.e. ORP = ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny:

1. Charming chimp child (12-18 mos) - Wobbles around on two legs, grabs everything in reach, nonstop monkey say monkey do. Walking, pointing, pinching and grabbing, manipulating tools to explore (banging, mouthing, stacking), twisting and swiveling wrists. Gestures, uses own words, mimics words/actions/ expressions learned from parents. Signing helps.  
   
2. Knee high Neanderthal (18-24 mos) - Strong willed, fun loving messy. Should be able to understand and communicate 20-30 words, esp. "No" and "Mine." Fascinated by small animals. Aping. Faster, jumping, throwing, hitting, gripping, scribbling and stringing words.  On the flip side, they are emotional yo-yos, no off switch, hard to change gears, prone to ADHD, but can learn orderliness, sorting and stacking (an area Montessori experts emphasise) 
3. Clever cave kid (2-3 years) - Just beginning to learn how to share, make friends, take turns, use the potty
4. Versatile villager (3-4 years) - Loves to read/tell stories, sing songs, dance ... while trying to behave :D

In tots, the right brain is stronger - this is where most experts agree (Doman, Karp). Hence, emotion and aggressive impulses dominate (Note: The right controls the left side which is responsible for details, organization, and in turn controls the right side). Prehistoric parenting involves being an ambassador to the Stone Age and engaging their right brain.  How do we do that?   How do we speak "toddlerese"?

• Don't talk to/at them!  Fast Food Rule = Repeat, then get your message across
• Balance big and small praise. Compliment action not child. Never spoil praise. 
• A child is fed on praise and milk (Poetry for Children. Charles and Mary Lamb. 1809)
• Up to 2 years: Enthusiastic, applause, big grins. Some check if you're watching (like B!) 
• 2-4 years. Understated, change of tone, whispered praises
• It takes 5 words of praise to cancel a single word of criticism
• Side door message: Gossip aloud (stuffed animals, imaginary friends), 3rd party story (Santa, fairies, magic), reverse psychology (Opposites, "don't brush your teeth" - haha)
• Respect and rewards to encourage good behaviour
• Nothing can be done without hope and confidence (Helen Keller)
• Ask for your tot's help, offer consistent speedy responses, let him decide in small things  (give 2 options, let him choose)
• Play the boob. Once in while, be incompetent, clumsy, blind, weak, easily hurt, a baby like him, wrong, easily outwitted, arrogantly incorrect, a pushover, absurd, forgetful.... everyone loves bloopers!  
• Encourage patience, delayed gratification 

Daily routine and play are proof of your love and make him want to cooperate:

• Actively employ time-ins, a pleasurable time that you spend each day with him. Soothing routines include:
•  Loveys or blankies (portable routines), affirmation, outdoor and creative play, reading  
• Massage is love which is one unique breath, breathing in two (Frederick Leboyer)
• Breathing exercises works best around 30 mos. Do them in the same time, same place, several times a week (if not every day). Begin before a nap or early evening when he's relaxed. 
• Special time involves setting aside DEDICATED bonus time 2-3x/day with your tot doing any activity he wants. Announce it, set a timer, do it approx the same time every day
• Laughter stimulates the immune system and erases the effects of stress  
• Sucking is a comforting ritual and totally normal

Spare the (rod) discipline, spoil the child 

• Your tot's job is to push the limits. Yours is to respectfully enforce them
• This is how tots explore and discover the world around them
• They are inherently impulsive, self centered and short sighted
• Our rules can be confusing, sometimes unrealistic ==> set appropriate expectations and limits we can actually enforce 
• We sometimes accidentally encourage bad behaviour (i.e. when they cry, we respond!)
• Keep statements brief and positive.  Too many words work against you. 
• Be consistent and creative.  E.g. sandwiching ("let's read, then we can have a race to see who picks up the most toys, then we have a snack!")
• No mixed messages. Don't smile when you're serious 
• Good tots can sometimes act "bad"
• Use distraction and battering to get cooperation.
• Punishments if necessary:  Ignore, remove privileges, time out (make sure you're calm and somewhat removed -- don't say much, done the same way, don't wait too long) 

Boulders that trip up tots:

• Tantrums: First appear 12-15 months when emotions run high and self control is low
• Public meltdowns: Outbursts where there's an audience have to be tamed.  
• Use toddlerese and then offer a detour (compromise or distraction)
• Else, count to 3, remove him from the scene and have a time out
• Sleep problems: Overtired and overstimulated. Sleep training needed! 18 month regression   
• Biting: Nip it.  Respond to hunger and teething, ensure there's sufficient outdoor play, use side-door messages to explain the rule, minimise conflict opportunities around other kids 

Are all babies water babies?

"How to teach your baby to swim" was the most informative Doman book and actually made me want to swim more with B! Swimming helps to stimulate brain growth and development at a critical time in early childhood, especially when babies' physical mobility is still limited.  Virtually all muscles are used when swimming, providing for an excellent aerobic workout!  Children who are competent and confident swimmers are also more likely to be participants, not just spectators in life.  As the baby swims more, his heart and lungs will develop, breath will be held longer, muscles and chest will grow, overall mobility, immune system, language and manual competence will improve.  Overall success in physical excellence = ideal environment + maximum opportunity.  Some tips below.

For newborns (birth to 6 months):
Babies have been "swimming" in utero since birth. Once born, swimming provides an opportunity to move in an environment where he will be buoyant and baby fat advantageous.  Focus on enabling the baby to love being in water and to learn breath holding under water, be consistent week to week and swim daily where possible.  Activities include: Balancing and floating with baby's chin on parent's shoulder, floating on back, blowing bubbles, bobbing up and down, passing under a gentle shower (up to 10x nonstop, followed by going underwater), gentle jumping (with support of parent's hands) into the bath, grasping the side of the tub or parent's thumbs.  Before swimming:  ensure newborn is fed and rested, hugs, kisses, cuddling throughout and at end!

For 6-12 months:
Gradually transition to a pool or open water, preferably heated.  Note: Children can tolerate the cooler temps of an outdoor pool only at around 18-24 months.   Extend the length of time baby goes underwater, holds his breath and keep up the newborn activities. Activities: Floating on the back, swimming from one to another parent, climbing out, blowing bubbles, bobbing up and down to breathe/submerge (say, "1-2-3-under"). At 1 year, he may even be able to sit by the side of the pool, jump in, swim a few feet and resurface to breathe -- with limited assistance!  Swim as often as possible, ideally 3-5x a week

For 1-2 years:
Apply the same principles -- cuddling, kissing and joyousness, do each activity frequently, briefly and move on, keep the structure of each swim time/lesson the same.  Focus is on independent activities, esp. climbing out of the pool, swimming the width of a pool (underwater/resurface to breathe/underwater), safely diving into the pool.  If there is exposure to the beachfront (lake/gentle sloping ocean), the child can eventually walk into the water with you, swim out a short distance, turn around, swim back and walk out of the water onto the beach!  Activities: Bobbing up and down, holding the side of the pool, swimming to the steps and from the steps to parent, and then, continuing to swim, floating on the back, jumping and diving from a sitting, then kneeling, then standing position to a parent, pushing off (from a ladder) and swimming to a parent, climbing out of the pool using steps and a ladder with a little boost as needed from parent.  Goal:  Child can happily and easily jump into the pool, swim across at least 6 years/meters, and climb out independently

For 2-4 years:
Children in this age group are extremely active physically, in constant motion, and MUST be well fed before swimming.  Time to introduce goggles. Activities: Streamlining, flutter kicking, breathing and pulling with arms, flutter kicking as the child holds one side of the pool or as you hold the child on the side of your body, diving and streamlining to you from the side of the pool, dive from a standing position and streamlining, dive in the water to the bottom to retrieve an object.  Goal: To swim the length of the pool with a crawl stroke taught via 3 proposed methods:

• A: Breathing and head turning while holding side of pool, rotate chin towards the shoulder and inhale, straighten the head as it enters the water and exhale 
• B: Same as A but with parent holding child in the middle of pool
• C: Using arms for the crawl.  Hold child on parent's side and progress to independent swimming 

For 4-6 years:
Focus on helping the child swim easier, more secure/safer and faster, improving the quality of streamlining, endurance, the crawl stroke (outside the pool) and diving.  Goals: 4 years - 100 meters crawl, 5 years - 200 meters crawl, 6 years - 400 meters crawl. Once your child loves to swim and is doing well with the crawl, move on to other strokes/flip turns and continue to teach in a loving way!  Activities:  Streamlining with independent breathing, further nonstop crawl strokes (inhale left and then right), improve diving in the sitting, kneeling and standing position.  Bench activities (face down): Rotate chin to shoulder and inhale, straighten head and exhale, flutter kicking (knees over the end of the bench and movement from hips, not knees), rotate and pull with both arms (moving over and below the sides of the bench), combine pulling with arms + flutter kicking + breathing

Make it fun!  Suggested water play (2 years up):
Retrieve toys such as rings/brightly coloured objects, swim between legs of one parent then both, riding on your back like a dolphin, racing/chasing/"tag", parents throws kid into "deep" water while standing, push off the bottom and rocket to the surface, see how far you can swim underwater, swim in deep water, play soccer/water polo/basketball with floating net, go underwater and somersault forwards/backwards, stand on your hands on the bottom of the pool, "Marco Polo" (kid holds themselves in a tuck position - knees held tightly against chess, parent throws them into the air, they splash in water and swim back)....

Month 11 Week 2: How To Multiply Your Baby's Intelligence

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain

There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other wings. - Hodding Carter

It took 3+ hours to curl my hair (after 5 years!) so I managed to finish Doman's book on "How To Multiply Your Baby's Intelligence" as I'd been curious about their approach since that Gymnademics trial class.  Stuff that got me thinking below.

Why start now vs wait for formal school (primary at 6 or nursery/kindergarten at 3)

• Learning begins from birth
• The brain grows the most at the early stages
• The first six years are the genesis of genius, limited only by how much material babies get to learn and how it's presented
• All significant brain growth is finished by six years with growth in ability dropping sharply each year
• See this recent article on how frequent, positive stimulation can make a big difference in the early years 
• What we do not use, we lose - the human brain has the memory capacity to hold ~3 million hours of TV shows :).  What are we filling ours with? 
  • Input: see, hear, touch, smell, taste
  • Output: mobility, language, manual competence
• When "teaching," have fun. Tell your kid how great he is, how much you love him ... often!  

How to teach your baby to read:

• Only humans can read
• Words must be large, clear, repeated enough, presented enthusiastically
• The more speed, the more new material, the more joy, the better
• Suggested sequence: Commonly used words, self/body, home objects, baby's possessions, foods, animals, actions, colours, modifiers (pairs, opposites), x is a/an/the y z (e.g. "Mango is a sweet yellow fruit") 
• Suggested approach: Start with 25 words - 5 new ones 3x/day, mix order. Remove one word/day after 1 week. 5 steps: Single words => couplets => phrases => sentences => books
• Note: I'm already reading books and flashing words with B but like the sequencing and approach which makes more sense than following the alphabet.  After all, what does "A" or "Z" really mean?!

How to teach your baby encyclopedic knowledge;

• Suggested approach: Show 10 cards, 10 sec, 3 consecutive days. Intro related facts and sub-categories, list 1 to 12 magnitude of knowledge, expande on sub-categories
• Suggested categories: biology, history, geography, music, art, math, human physiology, general science, language, literature
• Note:  Instead of following Doman's (excessively) detailed "bits of knowledge" specs, I may start a digital catalog instead (on iPad/Windows 8 tablets?). This is environmentally friendly, cost efficient with unlimited capacity given the ample real-life beautiful pictures and facts available online

How to teach your baby math

• Intro with the facts vs intro "laws" i.e. numerals and symbols
• Science = branch of knowledge dealing with a body of facts systematically arranged to show the operation of laws
• Suggested 5 step approach:

1. Quantity recognition: Use dots and patterns to intro 1 to 20
2. Equations: Demonstrate additions, subtractions, multiplication, division
1. Using the same dots, illustrate +, -  and x first
2. Intro 0 - shift similar quantity dots around (e.g. 5 dots + 0 = 5 dots)
3. Intro up to 100 (does not have to include all numbers from 20 on)
4. Illustrate / division
3. Problem solving: Offer choices, sequencing (e.g. 1, 3, 5, 7), greater less than scenarios
1. Doman's overall approach is that teaching/learning should be fun and testing should be limited to games or real-life evidences
2. Even if they get it wrong, your response should be along the lines of "Good try, that's actually X, this is Y"
4. Equalities: Intro (in)equalities, fractions, simple algebra 
5. Numeral recognition: FINALLY, digits (numbers) as we know them!
1. Use equalities to show 0-20, mix up the order of dots and numerals 
2. Intro 1-100 and go beyond 100s
3. Proceed to equations with numerals

Month 11 Week 1: Reading intentionally

These are 2 general approaches to boost speech and vocabulary: whole words and phonics. What I'm doing is combining the two when reading to B, supplementing with flash cards and picture books, using some of the tips for tots below (go here for more great reading material and tips!):

1. Your attitude and approach
- joyous and enthusiastic, approach it like a game or adventure
- teach at a time of day when both you and your baby are happy
- best duration for reading sessions is 30 seconds or less
- introduce new material when your child is ready for it - follow his lead
- be consistent with doing your program
- start as early as possible - the younger the child, the easier it is for him to learn
- go here for fun ideas on reading out loud to your kid

 2. Size and orderliness of reading matter
- the younger the baby, the bigger print should be used!
- size of the print is crucial to your success - very young children have immature visual pathways
- if the print is too small they get frustrated because they have to work so hard to see the type
- make a gradual transition from large to small print and from words to couplets to short sentences to longer sentences one change at a time

3. Read with mom (or primary caregivers like dad or grandparents)
- Doman believes that parents are the best teachers
- their love and confidence in their children provide the best inspiration, regardless if they are with the child the whole day or working and able to spend just a few hours a day

 4. Always stop before your baby wants to stop
- one of the most important rules: the child should be begging for more
- if your child gets tired after 5 slides, show just 4, but leave him hungry for more
- don’t bore your child!

5. Keep it fun, fresh yet consistent
- introduce new material often, show it quickly
- if no interest, show it even faster, update even more often (or use sound effects!)
- show less words more often and consistently than more words occasionally
- kids learn by repetition as long as you update your material often enough
- Doman believes testing is a sign of distrust, the opposite of fun. Though ... there are games/tricks that can keep your spirits up by showing that your child is actually learning, and can be even more fun for him!